OZ ATV :: The Australian ATV Forum

[The Two Stroke Smoker]

 Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of :
'ASYLUM'
Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition:
Hop on a boat
And win
A FREE HOUSE!
We've already given away hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor,
The Australian Taxpayer.
And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid Australian Passport, and you only need one word of English:
'ASYLUM'
Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at $800 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and
accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone
buy a ticket to Indonesia
And catch the first available boat.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable.
All you have to do is destroy all your papers or burn your boat once you
enter Australian waters and remember the magic password:
'ASYLUM'
A few years ago, 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to Indonesia’s gateway where agents were on hand to fast-track them to their boat trips to luxury accommodation.
They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Australia .
Our most popular destinations also include the Baxter’s Reef and the world famous Christmas Island Resort.
If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid.
Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help.
It won't cost you a penny.
It could change your life forever .
So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet
activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovo drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers,
bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...
COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the Indonesia fishing ports
Don't stop in Thailand or Bali  
Go straight to Australia
And you are:
GUARANTEED
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth.
Everyone's a winner, when they play
'ASYLUM'
FORWARD THIS TO EVERY AUSTRALIAN TAXPAYER YOU KNOW!
_________________
YFZ450

And the longest hours I've had in my life
Were the ones I went through to know I was right
So I'm safe but I'm a little outside
I'm gonna laugh when I'm buried alive

[doel#20]

[Dino]

And talking border protection:
This aussie goes on a organised fishing adventure in the Gulf of Carpentaria. The first night they're on the grog pretty well, he goes aft on his own and this freak wave plops him in the drink.
..........................................................................
He yells and calls out but the party goers are oblivious and his ride chugs on in the darkness. So he just srarts treading water and hoping.
.........................................................................
The next morning he's just about to give up and let the sea take him when a customs boat spots him and pulls him aboard. They're not impressed with his story, they just want to see some I.D.
.........................................................................
"Oh, c'mon mate! I told you it's on the fishing boat. Fair go! Just drop us on the mainland if you can't help." cries the unfortunate fisho.
"Listen Bud! No I.D. NO ENTRY. No mainland for you tinkerbell. It's off to Xmas Island with the other refugees for you.
..........................................................................
"Mates! C'mon. I'm so Aussie, so patriotic , that I've got the last few heads of state tattoed on my backside!" The poor fisho is getting a bit frantic.
The border patrol boats have heard it all. But they've never heard that one." Drop your trousers. This we've gota see!"
.........................................................................
So down come the strides. And sure enough, there's little Johnny on one cheek and current Kev on the other. Astonished, the border patrol boys tell him to pull his pants up, offer him a beer and say "Welcome back to Queensland!"
.......................................................................
So the fisho grabs the beer and sits down. He's fairly relieved now but wants to know how the Border Patrol blokes knew he was from Queensland.
.................................................................
" AH, That's Easy. We saw the little tattoo of Anna Bligh in the middle!"
_________________
Remember. We elect politicians, but we have to deal with bureaucracy.
Notice that crazy in the bureaucrats.

[No 114]

hahaha excellent funny as but the first 1 is so true

[tez700xx]

loved this one

On a bitterly cold morning in Canberra, Kevvy is being chauffeured to Parliament House.

It is so cold, Lake Burley Griffin has frozen over.

As he jumps out of the Caprice, Kevvy looks over the Lake & notices that someone has "peed" on the ice & left a message............"KEVVY SUCKS".

Kevvy is enraged & orders ASIO to investigate with "no expenses spared" & to report within two weeks.

Two weeks later, the head of ASIO reports to the PM & says...."our investigation is over & I have three pieces of news for you....good news, bad news & terribly bad shocking news".

Well says Kevvy, give me the good news. The head of ASIO says..."We spent $5 million dollars on the investigation & have come to a successful result".

Well says Kevvy what's the bad news?

The head of ASIO says "The DNA testing shows the urine is Wayne Swann's". Kevvy is shocked beyond belief.

Looking pale, Kevvy says" & what is the terribly bad shocking news?"

The ASIO chief replies...." It's Julia Gillard's hand writing".